


Iris and Lint and Hawthorn

by ZephyrLegend



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo is more like his dad than he'd care to admit, Ben Solo is not a morning person, Drunk Ben, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Guess Ben was in the mood, Han Ben bonding, Han Solo Lives, I'll get to the reylo eventually, Kylo Ren Being a Little Shit, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren gleefully plotting destruction, Kylo Ren is a double agent (sort of), Mild Smut, Reylo has arrived, but Han keeps stealing the show, characters running away from me, semi-serious crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-02-28 03:07:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13262343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZephyrLegend/pseuds/ZephyrLegend
Summary: It was a veritable powder keg ready to blow at any moment. All that was left now to do was to wait for precisely the right moment to mysteriously vanish, and the whole thing would come tumbling down like a house of cards.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this one has been tumbling around in my head for a while. I just needed some fun and humor with the angst train this fandom has become since TLJ dropped. This has not been beta'd so fair warning.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kylo gleefully plots destruction, Ben gets drunk for a conversation with his dad, and the little rascal talks in flower.

**_Present, 6 months after the Battle of Starkiller Base, aboard the First Order flagship_ **

 

In the nearly 7 years it had been since he had joined Snoke, it had become abundantly clear to Ben that the First Order was an apple whose shining skin hid a rotten core. Had he been a unintelligent man, perhaps he might have never seen the festering decay that lay under the shimmering glean. He he not had true guidance, he may have succumbed to the sickly sweet lies and false promises of a decrepit sadist whose only petty ambition was to dominate others. Had he been a weaker man, he may not have withstood these trials on his road of darkness.  

 

When he started on this path, his motives had been clear and simple: to learn what he could from the master of darkness so that, one day, he would no longer be at  _ his _ mercy. He had, at first, naively believed that when he came to power, that the First Order could change. The intervening years and a wealth of experience had disabused him of that notion entirely. 

 

Now, he believed that the First Order needed to be utterly destroyed.

 

Ben sat cross-legged in his quarters, perhaps too small for one in a place of power such as himself, but he wasn't one for excess. Attempting to find some peace in meditation, but failing as he usually did, his thoughts turned towards his life since he had become Supreme Leader.

 

It had been a very busy time for him, since his ascension to the role; the lessons Snoke unwittingly imparted to his apprentice bearing their fruit. As far as the majority of the First Order was concerned, he was still Kylo Ren: a hothead with a small brain-to-mouth filter and an even shorter fuse. A grown man playing dress up. ( _ They're not wrong,  _ he would smirk to himself whenever that thought came across someone’s mind.) Subtle prodding of a weak spot here, the right words at the right time there, and at the end of it all, every higher ranking leader either vying for power or baying for blood. 

 

It was a veritable powder keg ready to blow at any moment. All that was left now to do was to wait for precisely the right moment to mysteriously vanish, and the whole thing would come tumbling down like a house of cards. 

 

He suppressed the urge to giggle in childish glee about the destruction he was about to create. His freedom was imminent, and he was nearly bouncing with anticipation. Seven years was long enough to waste on derailing this wretched government. He needed to get out while he was still in his prime. 

 

He may have rejected the idea of his father's lifestyle on principle in his youth, but the idea was starting to appeal to him more and more. Wandering the galaxy with nothing and no one to answer to sounded like exactly what he needed. After years of deprivation, first under his uncle and then under Snoke, he just wanted to experience what the galaxy had to offer.

 

He was interrupted from his daydreaming by a surge in the force.  _ It is time _ , it whispered to him. He paused long enough to smirk before quickly standing and gathering his things.

 

First, was a bag packed with some essentials, chiefly clothing that was decidedly  _ not black. _ Second, his lightsaber. Even as identifiable as it was, it was handy to have in a fight. And lastly, a data stick containing a wealth of classified information about the inner workings of the First Order. This, he would pass on to his mother and the new Rebellion. They had far more use for it than he did, after all.

 

After gathering his things, he briskly left his quarters. As it was the middle of third shift, he expected little in the way of traffic. Any patrols were easily evaded as he made his way to the flight deck. He approached the single, drowsy flight controller on duty.

 

Infusing his words with a force compulsion, he said, “Once I have departed the ship, you will delete all records of my departure. You will not remember this conversation.”

 

Glassy eyed, she replied in monotone, “I will delete all records of your departure. I will not remember this conversation.”

 

Satisfied with the response, he continued to the flight deck and entered a small, nondescript transport vessel. Efficiently running through his pre-flight checks, he piloted the ship into open space without fanfare. Entering random coordinates, he jumped to hyperspace. 

 

Once in hyperspace, he quickly navigated the small vessel on a single minded mission: destroy the trackers. This particular ship was host to three. Once they were completely dismantled, he also destroyed the one that had been sewn into his belt ‘for his protection’.  _ Why yes, Hux, _ he thought,  _ Kylo Ren was a stupid fool wasn't he? _

 

Once he was finished, he returned to the pilot seat and waited for his ship to arrive at his destination. Cloaking as soon as he exited hyperspace, he took the data stick containing the classified information and left it in a small metal canister, which he would leave floating above the planet he was currently orbiting. It would also contain a transponder that was keyed to his mother’s secret frequency. The Rebels would be sure to find it, when they were able. Once he finished this task, he opened a secure comm channel to the only other person who knew about and could possibly understand his allegiances.

 

“Hey, Dad. The party is over. Can I get a ride?”

 

**_Before, 36 hours after the Battle of Starkiller Base, aboard an unnamed light freighter_ **

 

Han woke with a start. From what he could recall of his last conscious moments, he was extremely confused as to why he was even awake at all. The bizarre, spine-tingling sensation of a voice in his mind (“This is gonna hurt like kriff. Sorry, Dad.”) and a lightsaber to the gut were not fun things to feel, that's for kriffing sure. 

 

Opening his eyes and taking stock of his surroundings, he realized he was on a bunk. The familiar hum surrounding him telling him he was on a  _ ship _ bunk. Feeling around on his stomach where a hole  _ should _ have been, he only found neatly wrapped bandages.

 

“You're awake.” The deep baritone that he had come to recognize as his son’s voice made him jump. He swiveled his head to the side and saw a crouched figure, clothed fully in black, sitting slumped against the wall.  _ Yep, that's my kid, all right. _

 

Han scowled, “You  _ stabbed _ me.”

 

A dark chuckle was the response, “Had to make it look good, y’know?”

 

He was about to start demanding answers when he finally took a good look at his son’s face. Wrung out and put away wet was a nice way of putting it. He had bandages covering a thick slash on the right side of his face, deep brushing around the eye. He looked pale and haggard, his hair hanging limply in his face.

 

“You look like hell, kid.”

 

He was startled again when Ben started cackling madly, “You're one to talk!” 

 

Ben continued to chuckle to himself, as he reached in his cloak and pulled out a flask, taking a pull.

 

Han looked on in horror, “Are you drunk?” 

 

“What, you gonna tell mom? ‘Oh, no! Our dark sider son is getting drunk! Someone has to stop him!’” He seemed to smile at himself, before continuing, “If you must know, the whole galaxy, including Snoke, thinks you're dead. Your best friend and that scavenger girl you picked up gave me a blaster bolt to the gut and a lightsaber slash to the face, in that order, because they believed I killed you.”

 

Han’s eyes widened, “Hang on a minute, you faked my death?”

 

Whatever humor was in Ben’s eyes seemed to vanish, and was replaced by the desperate sadness he recognized as the same sadness from the catwalk, “He ordered me to do it, to prove myself worthy. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it when the only reason I'm even learning from him is so that I can either kill him or die trying to get him  _ the kriff out of my head. _ ”

 

“Well, I'm glad you didn't kill me. Even if you still had to stab me,” he muttered wryly.

 

“I'm never going to live that down, am I?”

 

“Not a chance, kid.”

 

They both chuckled at the break in tension, and Ben took another swig from the flask. They were silent for a moment.

 

“Mind telling me why you're drinking right now?” 

 

Ben shrugged, “I can use it to convince Snoke that this was a fever dream, if he looks inside my head. That and,” he paused for a moment to consider his words, “I probably needed to make it through the conversation with my father who I haven't seen or spoken to in over half my life.”

 

Han seemed to wilt, “Fair enough.”

 

Han held out his hand expectantly, “Well come on, give it here.”

 

Ben eyed him skeptically, before handing it over, “Careful with that, you're on pain pills.”

 

“Oh, like a little booze is gonna kill me.” He scoffed as he took a sip, and almost spit it out, choking as he tried to swallow, “Kriff, kid! What is this!? You could knock out something the size of a bantha with this stuff!”

 

“I don't know if you noticed, but I  _ am _ the size of a bantha.” He chuckled at himself, and took back the flask. “So, whose idea was it?”

 

“Who's idea was what?”

 

“To come and get me. ‘Bring me back home’ or whatever.”

 

Han looked away and sighed, “Your mother talked me into it.”

 

Ben sneered, “What? Didn't think I was worth it? Seems familiar.”

 

“Kriff, kid. You've been a man for a long time. I figured if you wanted to come home, you would have. You're more like me than anyone gives you credit for.”

 

“To my great dismay.” Ben grumbled.

 

“Look, I never said I won any ‘galaxy’s best dad’ awards, alright?” Han sighed “I used to tell myself: ‘At least I haven't won galaxy’s worst dad award.’ That one goes to your….grandfather. He tortured your mother. But I stood by as that...that  _ maniac  _ tortured you from a distance while you were growing up. I'm not sure that’s better. I’ve thought about it and I've thought about it, and I  _ still _ don't know what I could have done.”

 

Ben shrugged, “You're right. You're about as force sensitive as a brick. There wasn't anything you could do.”

 

“What really happened, that night at Luke’s school?”

 

“Luke tried to kill me.” 

 

Han’s jaw hit the floor, his immediate response was to deny it, but he could see that there was more to this.

 

“Wait, wait, back up. What?”

 

Ben seemed agitated and drew a hand through his hair. “A few days after the news got out about mom and Vader, I woke up in the middle of the night with Luke standing over me with a lightsaber.”

 

Han shook his head angrily, “I knew we never should have sent you to train with Luke. He was my friend for a long time, but I could start to see he was turning into a religious nut.”

 

Ben looked thunderstruck at his admission, “I didn't think you'd ever believe me.”

 

“Why wouldn't I? He was certifiably kookoo, last I saw of him. It doesn't surprise me a bit. Is that why you wanted to find him so badly?”

 

“I didn't want to. Snoke did.”

 

“Ahh, why did you take Rey from Takodana instead of hunting down that little droid for the map?”

 

“I looked into her mind and knew she'd seen it. So, I hoped that by interrogating her I could make her  _ conveniently  _ forget she ever saw the map, leading to a dead end in our search.” He waves his hands mockingly, “‘Oh, no, Kylo Ren was an idiot again!’ Technically, I failed to procure the map, but I wouldn't be punished  _ as bad _ as if I had outright defied the order.”

 

“So how did she even escape? She never said.”

 

Ben just looked at him with wide eyes, “She’s kriffing force sensitive! She blocked my mental probe, turned the tables and got into  _ my _ head, and when I left to report to Snoke about my failure, she mind tricked the guard to let her out!”

 

Han laughed out loud, “I knew she was a firecracker!”

 

Ben let out a sound of aggravation, “And later! She force pulled Luke’s old lightsaber out of the snow and sliced up my face with it. That was really not how I thought my day was going to go.”

 

Still chuckling, Han asked, “So, you said earlier you got a blaster bolt from Chewie. Did he lose his bowcaster?”

 

“It was  _ from _ the bowcaster.”

 

Han blinked, utterly gobsmacked, “I've seen that thing blast men clear off their feet and they  _ don't get back up.  _ How in the kriff were you even  _ standing _ , let alone fighting in a lightsaber battle afterward?”

 

“Pain is a pretty potent fuel for the dark side.”

 

“Kriff, kid, don't get all dark and mysterious on me now.”

 

The silence that followed was equal parts strained and awkward, before Ben broke it.

 

“You're  _ proud _ that I was able to fight through a bowcaster wound?” It was Ben’s turn to be gobsmacked.

 

“I mean, yeah. You're my son and that’s pretty badass.” 

 

Ben just looked at him with wide eyes, and said nothing before breaking into a chuckle. He took another sip from the flask that was still in his hands.

 

After another beat of silence, Han asked, “So, what happens now?”

 

“To the galaxy, Han Solo is dead. What you do, is take this ship and fly under the radar for the time being. You'll find some untraceable credit chips and a couple of false identities in the cockpit. I'll let you know when it's safe to come out.”

 

Han was concerned, “And what are  _ you _ gonna do?” 

 

“Same thing I've been doing. Wait for the right moment to take out Snoke and take out the force forsaken First Order from the inside out. Hopefully, since Mom thinks you're dead, that'll put a stop to these ill-conceived ‘rescue’ missions that are distracting me more than helping me.”

 

“I can't even let your mother know that I'm still alive?”

 

“Especially not her. Snoke has her in his sights. I can't afford to give him any more reason to distrust me. If it's found out that you're alive while  _ he _ is still alive, my life is forfeit.”

 

Han nodded contemplatively, “Looking forward to people thinking you're a hero, when you finish?”

 

Ben scoffed, “Hero,  _ monster, _ ” he seemed to mouth the word with distaste, “It doesn't matter to me  _ what _ they think. So long as I'm free at the end.”

 

**_Present, Main Rebellion base_ **

 

In the six months since their near annihilation in the mines of Crait, the Rebellion had grown by leaps and bounds. Bolstered by the heroic tale of Luke Skywalker’s sacrifice, the downtrodden and oppressed had flocked to the Rebellion in droves. 

 

While their allies had been reluctant at first, due mostly to Leia’s unfortunate relation to Darth Vader, her actions in that time had spoken more than any words she could have ever said. In the wake of great personal sacrifice, she had continued to champion the cause far beyond what most would consider reasonable. They saw that, after the loss of her husband, her brother and her son, the only thing she had left to live for was the hope of galactic freedom under a banner of peace.

 

Every day reminded Leia of her time with the first Rebellion under the Galactic Empire. It seemed to play out beat for beat as it had the first time around: small skirmishes, guerilla tactics, a heavy focus on a large spy network, disrupting supply lines and in general being a complete nuisance that couldn't be pinned down. 

 

But today was a different sort of day. The day began with a bizarre report from her intelligence division that the Supreme Leader had simply  _ vanished _ some 12 hours prior, and that the First Order was just as baffled as they were. As the day wore on, more strange reports had started rolling in: General Hux had apparently attempted to stage a coup, before it was discovered that Kylo Ren had vanished, and was now trying to lay claim to power. A number of other Generals were also trying to claim power. Three had been assassinated in their beds, and one had been shot execution style on the bridge by his second in command. A major battle had even broken out and was still underway in one of their fleets near Chandrila. None of the Rebellion or their allies were even in the vicinity.

 

She had front row seats to the First Order completely self-destructing, and she didn't even have to lift a finger. They were doing her job for her.

 

She was interrupted from her musings in the command center by a messenger.

 

“Pardon me, ma’am.”

 

She turned to the young private, “Yes, what is it?”

 

“We found something we don't understand, but we think you might, ma’am. The intelligence team responded to a transponder that was emitting on your frequency. When the retrieval team got there, they only found a canister containing a data stick. Most of it was encrypted, and we are working on the decryption now. It seems to be a very large amount of classified information about the First Order!” the private couldn't help but get excited, “But there was a short unencrypted message we don't understand. It says, ‘Iris, Lint and hawthorn, White carnation, signed Little Rascal.’ Do you have any idea what it means, ma’am?”

 

The message hit her like a sucker punch to the chest. She couldn't help but choke up as she replied, “Yes, I do. It's Alderaanian flower language. It means…” She had to pause and take a deep breath before continuing, “It means, ‘I have a message for you. I feel my obligations to hope. Good luck.’”

 

She had to sit down as tears pooled in her eyes.

 

“And who is ‘Little Rascal’, ma’am?”

 

She let out a small chuckle, and turned to look the private dead in the eye, “Kylo Ren has defected from the First Order.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to add a bit about Victorian flower language, therefore it became known as Alderaanian flower language in this fic. Those meanings are real and can be found floating about on the internet.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Han picks his kid up from the party, Rey hears some much needed good news, and Ben gets called a nerfherder to his father's delight.

**_Present, aboard the freighter Recalcitrant_ **

 

Sitting next to Han Solo in the cockpit of his newest smuggling vessel, Ben supposed that this was what happiness felt like. His father had dropped everything and picked him up within a few hours, abandoning his getaway craft somewhere in deep space. Once they got back into hyperspace to hightail it to parts unknown, Han finally worked up the nerve to ask what was on his mind.

 

“So, how'd your little plan work out?”

 

“Better than I'd hoped,” Ben replied, “I'm alive, in one piece and the same can't be said for Snoke and the First Order.”

 

“Now, that's what I call success.” Han smirked.

 

“Right. After we last spoke, things went to hell. Mom almost died and the Resistance was nearly wiped out. But Rey helped me in defeating Snoke, so there is that.”

 

“She did, huh? Sounds like quite a girl. Shame I didn't get to know her more before...everything.”

 

“Yeah, well. I  _ may _ have implied that she was dirt under my shoes when last we spoke. Now she probably won't ever speak to me again. Nevermind the fact that she thinks I killed you.”

 

“What did you go and do that for?” Han asked, “I raised you better than that.”

 

“To be fair, she took up your mission to ‘save my soul’. I needed to say  _ something _ to get her to run back to the Resistance and help them.” Ben said affronted, “‘Get a girl to run away by making her believe I'm an irredeemable asshole bent on galactic domination’ is a trick I learned from grandfather, actually.”

 

“Well, did it work?”

 

“I made it out of the following confrontation with no other scars and all my limbs attached, so I'd say it was a success.”

 

“The way you tell it, sounds like she fights like a demon.” Han said, wryly.

 

Ben just looked at him deadpan, and pointed to his facial scar.

 

“Good point. So,” Han paused, considering his next words, “What do you plan to do now?”

 

“Find a nice backwater place, grab a nice fruity drink, lay on some white sand beach, and do absolutely kriffing nothing for the next hundred years. I am  _ finished _ with galactic politics.”

 

Han laughed loudly, “Mind if I join you?”

 

Ben just looked at him askance, “You are aware that you can go back to Mom now, right? There's no more reason for you to hide.”

 

“I can just send her a message. It's not the longest we've ever been separated, or the first time she thought I was dead.” He sighed heavily, “Truthfully, our marriage fell apart after we sent you away to Luke. You were probably the only thing keeping us together by that point, and I'm sorry we put that on you. You deserved better than that, kid.”

 

Ben only responded with a noncommittal noise. Han let that admission hang in the air awkwardly before changing tact.

 

“Well, for now there's a fresher and a bunk room in the back, if you want to get cleaned up and get some rest. I have a message to send.”

 

Ben nodded silently before stepping out of the cockpit. It was both fulfilling and slightly bizarre to speak to his father on this level. After so many years, they were almost perfect strangers to each other. His father may not have said it outright, that wasn't his way, but Ben was incredibly happy that his father wanted nothing more than to spend time with him. To get to know each other again.

 

Not even bothering with a shower, he collapsed into the bunk, relishing in the idea of not needing to sleep with one eye open, and having someone he trusted watching his back while he did. Oblivion claimed him swiftly and without fanfare.

 

**_Present, aboard the Millennium Falcon_ **

 

The last 6 months of Rey’s life had been a grand adventure, in her opinion, suitable only for storybooks. She never could have imagined, for all her lonely boring days on Jakku, that she would end up literally swept off of her feet and thrust into a galactic conflict. She'd met legends, wandered the galaxy in its most famous ship, and became a freedom fighter and a legend in her own right. 

 

The bitter tang of desperate loneliness had never left her, though. Once, she might have been fooled that her friends and the Rebels had filled the gnawing void in her heart. But that was before Ben Solo. The more she had learned, and the more she had seen, she had started to realize that the awful feeling in her chest that uncoiled whenever she thought about him resembled the descriptions people had given her of heartbreak. 

 

She had learned to love a monster, and had been bitten in the process. 

 

Whatever their similarities, there was a yawning chasm between them that couldn't be bridged. She learned to live with it. She had thrown herself headfirst into helping the fledgling rebellion and hadn't looked back.

 

If only the force would get with the program. Despite shutting the door, her connection with Ben had remained unbroken. Thankfully, the ‘visits’ had decreased in frequency significantly. They only happened once every few weeks. For the handful of times the force had seen fit to lock them into place, they had steadfastly ignored one another. But even silence couldn't block the desperate longing betrayed by his expressive face. 

 

He still desired her, even after everything, and it cut her to the bone.

 

She was shaken from her dark thoughts by Chewbacca growling something at her.

 

She turned to look at him, “I'm sorry, what?”

 

More groans and rumbles.

 

“A message from Leia? Hmm. I wonder what she would be contacting us for? We're not due to check in for another two days.”

 

He shrugged and let out another grumble as he switched on the transceiver. Leia’s face appeared as a holo in front of them. If her tear streaked face didn't give it away, the warble in her voice would have betrayed just how shaken she was.

 

“Chewie, Rey, I have some unbelievable news. I don't know how else to say it, so I'll get straight to the point. Han is  _ alive. _ He didn't say exactly how, only that Ben-” She seemed to choke up with the name, “Ben faked Han’s death. But that's not all. I don't know how much you've heard where you are, but we got a report two days ago that the Kylo Ren had vanished. Throughout the following day there were numerous reports that suggest that the First Order is totally imploding. And at the end of it all, we received a data stick with a wealth of extremely classified First Order information with a message from- from  _ Ben,  _ saying ‘good luck’. I'm not sure what to think, but I just thought you two should be the first to know.”

 

Tears that had gathered in her eyes during the message finally spilled over, as Chewie gathered her into a bear hug. She clutched his fur as all of the pain and heartbreak was wrenched out of her in great heaving sobs, and the empty space in her heart that was left over was filled with relief and something that tasted like hope.

 

**_Present, aboard the freighter Recalcitrant_ **

 

Several hours later, Ben was roused by an insistent hand on his shoulder.

 

“Ben. Ben!”

 

With an incoherent groan he rolled over, “Wassit…?”

 

“Come on, kid. You've been asleep for nearly 18 hours.”

 

He groaned again and rolled over to sit up. His voice still thick with sleep, he replied, “Well,  _ excuse me _ . I haven't slept for the last 7 years.”

 

Han let out a chuckle, “Someone is cranky this morning.” 

 

“Caf.” was his reply, more than a grunt than an actual word. 

 

“Yeah, yeah, there's some in the galley. We're about to exit hyperspace. I’m here to make a delivery.”

 

Ben held up his hand, “Probably the less I know, the better.”

 

“Suit yourself. I was thinking, after this, we could fly out to Aspara. I know a guy.”

 

“The little tropical moon between wild space and Hutt territory?”

 

“That's the one.”

 

Ben stretched as he worked out the kinks in his back, “That sounds like a fantastic place to lay low for a while. Your guy got fruity drinks?”

 

Han huffed a laugh, before turning to leave, “The best.”

 

Ben smirked, as he stood to follow him out, and shuffled towards the small galley. Grabbing a cup of caf, he sat at a bench, sipping at it as he started to brush the cobwebs away from his sleep addled mind. As he considered the very  _ small _ amount of things required of him today, with a decidedly  _ less _ small amount of glee, he felt a familiar stirring in the force.

 

Steeling himself against the inevitable pain of her rejection once again, he waited patiently for her to materialize.

 

“Is it true?”

 

He turned sharply towards her, startled at hearing her voice. He looked at her beautiful face, and noticed that she seemed less troubled than she had the last few times he had seen her. As though a heavy burden had been lifted from her shoulders. He turned away before he could become overwhelmed by the depths of her eyes. 

 

“She speaks,” He muttered.

 

She took a step closer to him, “ _ Is it true?” _

 

“You'll have to be more specific.”

 

“Your father is alive and you’ve defected from the First Order.”

 

He twisted the cup in his hands nervously, “The answer to the first is yes. I'm currently with him. The answer to the second is a bit more complicated. Technically  _ no _ , but only because it's impossible to defect from something you were never loyal to in the first place.”

 

When she was silent, he looked up at her. Her mouth was agape and her eyes were glassy. “I...I...You made it seem like…”

 

He softened, “I made it seem like I couldn't be saved. Truthfully, I never needed saving. But that you found it within yourself to try, even with everything you must have thought of me, means more to me than words can say.”

 

She looked thunderstruck for a moment, when suddenly her face scrunched into anger, “You...you...you  _ nerfherder! _ ”

 

He had enough time to look at her wide eyed before she vanished. He took another sip of his caf, before remarking idly to himself, “Monster, murderous snake, nerfherder. I'm moving up in the world.”

 

His father chose that moment to step into the galley, “Were you talking to someone? Don't tell me you're cracking up now.”

 

Ben sighed heavily before draining his caf in one gulp, standing and dropping the mug into the sink. “Remember when I told you about what happened when I interrogated Rey?”

 

Han looked vaguely uncomfortable, “Yeah, you said you looked into her mind and she looked into yours or... something.”

 

“The simplest explanation is that that  _ mutual exchange _ formed a sort of...Force connection between us. Sometimes she will appear to me and we can speak as though she is standing in the same room. It happens randomly, and we haven't figured out how to control it.”

 

“That's…” Han trailed off.

 

“Uncomfortable, bizarre and extremely infuriating? Yes, yes it is.”

 

“Ah,” Han looked at him knowingly, “did you stick your foot in your mouth again?”

 

Ben scowled, “The first time in months she's said a word to me and she calls me a  _ nerfherder.” _

 

Han was amused, “You've got it bad, kid.”

 

“I can't win with that woman.” Ben growled in frustration, putting his head in his hands.

 

“Piece of advice? With a woman like that, you'll never win. All you can do is strap yourself in and hang on for dear life.”


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Han and Ben reunite with an old friend, and Ben discovers surprising facts about his papa.

**_Present, aboard the freighter Recalcitrant_ **

 

The final leg on their journey to Aspara was quiet, filled only with idle chat about ship specifications. When they came out of hyperspace, Han navigated his small vessel toward a sparsely populated region of the tropical moon. The looming specter of a violet gas giant hung low in the horizon as they made landfall on a small landing pad between a sizable mansion and the seashore. 

 

As they completed their landing procedures, a single figure emerged from the house. Ben didn't even need to see the person before the force told him who  _ exactly  _ this was.

 

“No. No way.” He spit, “There is  _ no kriffing way _ that your guy is  _ Lando Calrissian. _ ”

 

Han shrugged, “What? We didn't tell him where you went for all these years. As far as he knows, you just vanished.”

 

Ben was still tense, but sighed as he relented, “I've got a bad feeling about this.”

 

As they stepped out of the ship, they were met with a jovial greeting. 

 

“Han Solo! As I live and breathe! Last I heard, you were dead.” Lando smirked.

 

“Well, lady luck hasn't run out on me yet.”

 

“And who is this?” Lando seemed to sour slightly as he looked at Ben, “Well, if it isn't little Ben. Or should I say Kylo Ren? In the presence of the very man you were said to have killed. Isn't this interesting?”

 

Ben glared at Han as if to say ‘Are you kriffing kidding me?’.

 

Han had the decency to look sheepish, “What? I said that  _ we _ didn't tell him. Not that he didn't already know.”

 

Ben just glared even harder, as Han squirmed under his gaze. The moment lingered, stilted and awkward, before Lando let out a roaring laugh.

 

“By the force, you look just like your mother when you glare like that,” He said. 

 

“No kriffing kidding,” Han mumbled under his breath.

 

Lando smirked even wider now, “I can see that there's a story here. I'd very much like to hear it.”

 

He turned and led them towards his home. As he walked, he continued to speak.

 

“I've been hearing some crazy tales, coming in from the core worlds over the last few days. A certain  _ galactic leader _ ,” he gave Ben the side eye, “pulling a disappearing act. The First Order erupting into crippling infighting. A full scale battle in the Chandrilan system.”

 

He led them onto a balcony overlooking a small lagoon. 

 

“Go on, go on, have a seat.” He gestured toward a table and chairs. When they were all seated, Lando continued.

 

“So, now, here you are. A Supreme Leader and a dead man at my doorstep. I have a hunch, but I'd like to hear it from you.” 

 

Ben shifted in his seat uncomfortably. He crossed his arms across his chest, in a familiar gesture as much to intimidate as to give himself a feeling of security. “He was always there. Snoke. In my head, in my thoughts, since before I can remember. Seven years ago, I finally got sick of it and decided to join him with the hopes that he could teach me enough to destroy him and I'd be free. Only, the First Order would have labelled me a traitor if I'd left after killing him, so, I took the power and turned them against each other so they'd implode. That way, they'd worry more about themselves than about hunting me down. I go away, and live my life in peace for once.”

 

Lando huffed a laugh of disbelief, “For all that you inherited Han’s survival skills, you did not get his storytelling abilities.”

 

Han chuckled, “Hey, we can't all be perfect.”

 

Ben gave him an annoyed look, “I  _ have _ been a part of a military organization for the last several years. They don't  _ do _ storytelling.”

 

“Don't kid yourself, Ben. You've always been like that,” Han said.

 

Ben flashed him a quick eyeroll but didn't argue.

 

Amusement still firmly in place, Lando said, “So, you mean to tell me that you infiltrated a military organization with the express purpose of assassinating their leader and seizing power so you could destroy them from the inside, all for your own selfish reasons?”

 

Ben looked a bit sheepish, yet unashamed, “Yeah, basically.”

 

Lando completely lost it, clutching his side as he laughed riotously. It took him a moment to compose himself, before saying, “This is one for the Solo hall-of-fame.”

 

Han guffawed right along with him at this. Ben just looked distinctly unamused. 

 

“Right.” He said, “I'm going to go down to the beach and meditate while you two catch up. There's a little bit too much snark in this room to go around.”

 

“Alright, son.” Lando replied, “I'll have one of my droids bring you that fruity drink, as promised.”

 

Ben smirked as he stood and left the pair to their own devices. He wandered down the long hallways, back the way they'd come, and out the door. He crossed the landing pad swiftly, and didn't stumble as he stepped into the tall yellow grass. Eventually the grass made way into white sand, and beyond that a shallow ocean glowing a translucent aquamarine. It was a beautiful sight. He had missed seeing places such as these over the years. 

 

He settled himself nimbly into the soft sand. The serenity of the location eased his way into a meditative state as he closed his eyes, and for the first time in a very long time, surrendered to the light. It had changed a great deal since last he had felt it's full effects. For one, it was so much bigger, carrying much more weight. What had once felt like a babbling brook, now felt like a wide river. It moved slowly and with grace, but it carried with it an immense power that was often underestimated. 

 

The dark side, he always felt, seemed more like a raging waterfall. The power was obvious at first glance, beautiful in its own deadly way, but was only good for pummeling rocks at the bottom. The light side carried the sediments and minerals which would create new life down the riverbend. 

 

Coming back to the light side all at once was a silly mistake to make. Now that he had opened himself to it, it was painful more than anything else. When he could take the pain no longer, he instinctively retreated back into darkness. (‘ _ When had darkness become instinct _ ?’ he thought to himself.) He felt a shade lighter than before, but he had made no great progress. He felt heavy with uncertainty as he dragged himself from the depths of the force. 

 

As he opened his eyes, he was startled to find that during his meditation several hours had passed, and the sun had settled low on the horizon. He hadn't gone that deep since before he had joined Snoke. As he blinked himself back to full awareness, he was again startled when he realized that someone was sitting next to him, his father.

 

“How-” his voice croaked, and he let out a cough from his dry throat. He swallowed thickly and tried again, “How long have you been sitting here?”

 

“Not long.” He replied, “You'd been out here a while.”

 

Still coming out of his deep meditation, he felt things in the force much more strongly than usual, and would for some minutes until his perception settled. Ben could practically taste the undercurrent of worry shot through these words, with the force. That and...something else. Something foreign was emanating from his father in the force that he couldn't make sense of. His curiosity piqued, he reached out with the force and gave this... _ whatever it is _ ...the force equivalent of a gentle nudge. 

 

Han jumped as if he'd been bitten, and looked around wildly, “What the kriff?”

 

Ben narrowed his eyes, tilting his head sideways to assess his father. Han looked nervous, “Ben, what are you doing?”

 

Ben said nothing as he force-nudged it again, and Han jumped again. 

 

“Was that... you?” Han asked, feeling silly.

 

“Dad, since when have you been  _ force sensitive? _ ”

 

Han’s eyes were wide for a moment, before he shook his head. “That's crazy. I'm not force sensitive. I think I'd know if I was!”

 

“You wouldn't have felt that if you weren't.” Ben smirked.

 

“No. No! This is nuts! You're delusional.” Han tried to stand, ready to leave.

 

“Wait! Dad, wait! I know it sounds crazy but  _ listen _ .” Ben reached out as if to grab his arm, but Han sat again before he could.

 

“Alright, kid, I'm listening.”

 

“Do you remember months ago, when you found Rey? Right around that time, there was this... _ awakening _ in the force. Snoke had speculated that it was  _ just _ Rey. That, as the force always tries to find an equilibrium, her latent force sensitivity was woken in response to my increasing use of the dark side of the force. But since then there have been reports all over the galaxy of force users’ with latent abilities having  _ woken up _ about that same time. Not just children, people of any age.” 

 

Han still looked skeptical, “What, so you think I'm one of those? I don't feel any different.”

 

“Are you sure?” Ben asked, “There isn't some part of you that you've always felt, but could never articulate and then 6 months ago you suddenly became aware that it was always part of you? Something that feels like a sound, a...a buzzing or humming? Something that tastes like life?”

 

Han looked away from Ben, as if to collect himself. He paused, considering his son’s words. 

 

“Yeah,” he said weakly, giving Ben a small smile, “It's like the whine of a hyperdrive at full power.”

 

Ben chuckled, “Of  _ course _ that's what it sounds like for you.”

 

“What about you, kid? What's…” He seemed like the next words were sour in his mouth, “ _ the force _ sound like to you?”

 

“A purring loth-cat.”

 

“Hmm,” was Han’s noncommittal response. 

 

“Do you…” Uncertain and somewhat self conscious, Ben paused, looking away, “Do you want me to teach you about it?”

 

“I used to be jealous of your mother, y’know? Jealous that she could share something with you that I never could. She knew you were a boy even before medical scans could tell her. You’d have ‘pluck and wit and steel blood’ she said, before you were even born….” Han trailed off as he took a walk down memory lane. 

 

As if remembering his son was still waiting for an answer, he turned back to him and said “Gimme your best shot, kid.”

 

Ben’s answering smile was brighter than the sun.

 

“Okay, close your eyes. Now, reach out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My secret head canon: Han Solo is marginally force sensitive. He has far too much blind luck to be anything but.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ben reacquaints himself with his hand, Han plots behind Ben's back, and Rey gets an eyeful (and a new mission).

**_2 weeks later, tropical moon Aspara, residence of Lando Calrissian_ **

 

Before Ben knew it, two weeks had come and gone like a breeze. Ben took the time to finally relax after so long. There had been family vacations growing up, but nothing since he had left his parents at the tender age of twelve. His life had been work, work, work, since those days. He relished in the rest he finally allowed his weary bones to claim.

 

His days were spent mostly with his father, developing the latter’s skill with the force. Han didn't have a knack for the traditional types of meditation typically found with those who were formally trained. Instead they had discovered that Han found a natural peace whilst working with and repairing the machinery on his freighter; he would fall into a sort of pseudo-meditative state that came to him with ease. 

 

Often, they would just spend the day shooting the breeze with each other: having drinks, repairing some of the speeders in Lando’s garage that had seen better days, and getting to know one another again. Warmth he had been missing started to fill up his soul, and every day it became easier for Ben to touch the light. 

 

There were no pressing matters they needed to tend to (Ben’s sizable stash of untraceable credit chits made sure of that), and so they spend their days in leisure. 

 

Even through all that, Ben’s thoughts often strayed to Rey. Looking back, he knew he'd been half in love with her shortly after they'd met. He knew logically that it was utterly ridiculous for him to fall so hard and so fast, but with the nature of their sudden and fierce force bond, he knew her almost better than he knew himself. You don't see into someone, into their fathomless depths, without learning to love them along the way. 

 

And she saw him too. Though the mask and deceptions that he'd worn for so long, she'd seen what no one had for years. His only regret in coming to know her then, was that he'd once again had to hide himself thoroughly to protect her from the rathtar’s nest that was the First Order. That she'd fled in desperate haste after his false offer was just another testament to her strength of character. 

 

He was terrified that he’d pushed her away too far, that he’d never get the chance to fix it. His heart ached at the loss of the chance to be with her.

 

Other parts of him ached as well, as he lie in bed remembering the last time he'd seen her in the flesh. She'd worn a new outfit and had styled her hair, before she had boarded the Supremacy. A small part of him crooned that it had been for  _ him _ . 

 

He sighed as he forced himself to sit up. He took one look at the tent in his pants that his dwelling thoughts caused, and knew his little problem wouldn't let him get back to sleep anytime soon. Taking a look outside, the sun was beginning to peek over the horizon and he knew there was no point in trying now anyway. He shuffled into the en suite ‘fresher, and turned on the shower to the coldest setting. 

 

It took about 30 seconds of chilly misery before he said ‘kriff it’ and flipped it to boiling hot. The intellectually curious part of him wondered at how his little problem had stayed stubbornly present even through his frigid adventure. The animal part of him was insistent that this problem be taken care of,  _ immediately. _ As he began counting fluffy bantha in his head, a surefire technique he had developed over the years to counteract his physical urges, a thought shot across his mind:  _ why the kriff am I doing this? _

 

He no longer had a megalomaniac crawling around in his head judging him, and he no longer had eyes on him every moment of every day for his ‘security’. He could do whatever the kriff he wanted!

 

With a small insolent smirk, he took himself in hand for the first time in seven years. With just a few strokes, he finished embarrassingly quickly, spilling over the shower floor. He let out a strangled moan, her name on his lips. His knees nearly buckled, and he had to brace himself against the wall as he rode out his orgasm. 

 

As he heaved in lungfuls of air, and his heart rate settled, he noticed something was  _ off _ . It felt like….

 

_ Oh for force’s sake!  _ The bond! She was  _ here _ !

 

He tensed as he brought his forehead to rest on the wall in front of him. He could feel the blush creeping up his neck, his face and to the tips of his ears. He could feel her embarrassment filtered through his own in a feedback loop of awful.

 

“Noticed me, have you?”

 

Her tone sent a shiver down his spine. Mostly angry, somewhat accusing, and a little….aroused? 

 

He finally took a glance over his shoulder and caught her eyes. He nearly choked at what he saw there: darkened with lust and filled with no small amount of  _ smugness _ . 

 

“The tables  _ have _ turned, haven't they, Ben?” 

 

Her smugness transformed itself into a wide smirk before she vanished. 

 

He let out a bitter curse, before shutting off the shower. He should have known that parading around her shirtless and smug that one time would come back and bite him in the ass. She could be quite vindictive when she wanted to be. 

 

After drying off, he laid back down on his bed and let out a moan of self pity at the sheer ridiculousness of the morning. What was even worse, despite everything about the last ten minutes, he was half hard again just from remembering the look in her eyes.

 

**_Meanwhile, tropical moon Aspara, residence of Lando Calrissian_ **

 

What Ben didn't know, or perhaps never considered, was that Ben came by his trickiness naturally. Perhaps Leia was considered sly, in a trained politician sort of way, but ultimately she wasn’t considered much of a trickster. Han, on the other hand, had quite a few up his sleeve. 

 

One such trick involved setting his son up with the girl he was pretty much hopeless about. In the few times she had come up in conversation, Ben couldn't contain himself. Not that he was particularly good at containing his emotions in general, but it was obvious how much he cared for her.

 

Getting more in tune with the force ( _ isn't that a head trip?) _ just made it so much more obvious. He could now... _ feel _ what his son felt about this girl. The heartache and pining, the deep well of respect and adoration he had for her. His son never felt things by halves, that's for sure.

 

So, one day, when Ben went off and wandered the grounds by himself, Han looked to his friend Lando for help.

 

“So, there's this girl that Ben is going crazy over.”

 

“You mean the one he won't shut up about?”

 

“That's the one. She flies the Falcon now, you know?”

 

Lando’s eyes shot up in surprise, “Wow, you found that old bird, finally?” 

 

“Yeah, I found it out in the Western Reaches, being  _ piloted _ by this girl. She said she'd stolen it from  _ Unkar Plutt _ . Of all the slime balls to get their hands on it…” He shook his head in distaste of the notorious crolute, “She had no idea that it was  _ the _ Falcon.”

 

“So, if she was with you, how did  _ Ben _ meet her?”

 

Han smirked, “He kidnapped her and took her in for questioning.”

 

“So how does he go from interrogating a girl who is supposedly his enemy, to having a crush on her so big it's visible from Coruscant?”

 

“He hasn't told me specifics, but the fact that she kicked his ass with a lightsaber later that day might have something to do with it.” Han scratched the side of his face, as though referencing Ben’s facial scar.

 

Lando cracked up laughing, “Like father like son! Once Leia hit you with her sharp tongue, you were a goner too! Just be glad she didn't leave permanent marks.”

 

“So, do you think you can contact Leia and have her send Rey? I wanna see Chewie again and spend some working on the Falcon.”

 

“Sure, you old pirate! It'll be nice to see the Falcon again after all these years.”

 

“Who knows? Maybe getting those two in a room together will get them to to talk it out. I know Leia’d be happy to get those grandkids she dreamed of.” He sat back as if sick, “You know what? Nevermind, I'm too young for grandkids.”

 

**_Present, Main Rebellion base_ **

 

_ Well, that was incredibly embarrassing,  _ Rey thought to herself as their connection faded. She wasn't quite sure what had possessed her to taunt him as she had. Maybe it was the effect his deep blush had had on her. She hadn't even known he  _ could  _ blush. 

 

Rey didn't know what had possessed her to linger silently as he had...finished, either. The feeling of his pleasure flooding through the bond combined with the sound of her name on his lips was a heady mix that left her breathless and a little stunned. 

 

The fact that he had thought about her when he was touching himself gave her a warm feeling inside and...in other places. She was no stranger to physical intimacy, but she could never recall having been the object of someone's fantasy. It left her feeling a strange combination of awkwardness and pride. 

 

She was certain of one thing, though: if this incident was a portent of things to come, this day was shaping up to be a strange one. As she left her quarters and turned to the hangar bay to start her day of repairs on the Falcon, she considered the drastic shifts in perspective she had undergone just two weeks ago. 

 

Where before she had been riddled with guilt, over her failure to get through to Ben (and over her romantic feelings for an enemy), it had been initially replaced with a sense of profound relief as she had learned the truth of things. She'd been filled with joy that her friend was actually alive and that his son hand actually killed him, but instead saved him. That Ben was still at the heart of the man she deeply cared for.

 

But when the rush had faded, she just started to feel embarrassed. Even the fact that literally everyone else in the galaxy had fallen for the ruse did not lessen the sting that she'd been bamboozled by Ben Solo, a man she considered herself in love with. She didn't even really  _ know _ this man, in all honesty. 

 

She was also  _ angry. _ Angry that he'd manipulated her into facilitating part of his plan without her knowledge. Angry that he thought her so foolish and naive that she would risk foiling his plans. But most of all she was angry that he hadn't trusted her with the truth. For all that he had seemed to care about her, it showed that he didn't trust  _ her _ and that hurt more than she cared to admit.

 

In a fit of pique, she threw her hydrospanner at the wall. It made her feel a tiny bit better, and she was contemplating force pulling it and throwing it again when she was interrupted by a mechanic.

 

“Hey, jedi girl. General’s looking for ya.”

 

“ _ Not _ a jedi.  _ Not _ a girl.” She mumbled to herself irritably, but nodded in acknowledgement.

 

As she left the hangar and moved towards the command center, she wondered what the General had to tell her. It couldn't possibly be a new mission so soon. They'd only returned just yesterday. But then, they'd had shorter turnovers than this. She ought to expect anything, really.

 

Her suspicions were proven when the first words out of Leia's mouth were, “I have a new mission for you.”

 

Rey nodded, “Okay. Pick up or drop off?”

 

“It's not a delivery this time, actually. It's a meeting with an old friend of mine. Someone potentially willing to be an ally for the cause. They've expressed interest in meeting you, firsthand. Take Chewie and the Falcon with you.”

 

The mischievous gleam in Leia’s eyes didn't bode well, Rey thought. With a sense of trepidation she asked, “Where are we going?”

 

Leia smiled, “Aspara.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, smut happened. Sort of.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Han learns about the dark side, Ben is a big coward, and a dream team is reunited.

**_Present, tropical moon Aspara, residence of Lando Calrissian_ **

 

The following afternoon found Han and Ben preparing for another session of training with the force. Han had made great strides tapping into it in a general way, but he hadn't tried manipulating it externally as of yet. That is what they had been attempting today.

 

“Dad, no. Don't think about it like you're moving the rock. It's more like moving the force  _ around _ the rock.”

 

Han was a frustrated grump about the whole thing, “Why didn't you tell me that  _ first _ ?”

 

“Okay, just...relax. Watch me do it. With the force, not with your eyes.”

 

Ben proceeded to gently lift the rock a handful of inches, before gently settling it back down.

 

“Okay,” Han said, “I think I get it, now.”

 

Han closed his eyes and, after a few seconds, the rock began to wobble back and forth.

 

“Dad! You did it! You moved the rock!”

 

Han’s eyes snapped open, “I did?”

 

“Yes!”

 

“Well, look at that. Guess you  _ can _ teach an old akk dog new tricks,” Han smirked.

 

“Look at it this way: you now have more training in the force than Mom,” Ben replied with a smirk of his own.

 

Han chuckled, “I like the sound of that.”

 

“Want to try again?”

 

Han nodded, and closed his eyes, reaching out towards the rock again. It wobbled a bit again, but stopped after just a moment. Han’s face seemed to scrunch up in strain. A bubble of frustration burst from him and the rock suddenly shot up a foot before clattering to the ground and rolling away. Trepidation roiled low in Ben’s gut.

 

Han opened his eyes in excitement before noticing his son’s reticence. “I did it. What's the matter?”

 

Ben sighed, ”Okay, next lesson. The difference between the light and dark sides of the force.”

 

Han looked like he might be sick, “Are you telling me I used the...the dark side just now?”

 

“In the most basic sense, yes. You did.”

 

“What does  _ that _ mean?”

 

Ben sighed again, “The dark side isn't just a shorthand for evil. It's just when you use your emotions,  _ strong _ emotions to enhance your ability to use the force. The strongest emotions are typically anger, pain and frustration. You just lifted that rock out of pure frustration.”

 

“I take it, that's bad?”

 

“It's not bad, exactly. I'd be a hypocrite if I told you that. But it's not exactly good either.”

 

“Then what is it?  _ Exactly,”  _ Han replied with irritation.

 

Ben rolled his eyes, “It's not bad to use them. You just can't  _ rely _ on your emotions to use the force. If you can't control it when you're relaxed, how can you expect to control it in a sticky situation? That's all it is, really.”

 

Han frowned, “Serves me right for listening to Luke all those years. That's really all there is to it?”

 

“Yes, and no.”

 

“Get to the point, kid.”

 

“Sometimes... people can get addicted to the increase in power that using emotions can bring. So they go out of the way to do things that make them angry or even intentionally hurt themselves to use the intensity of pain for their power. You asked me once how I was able to fight through a bowcaster wound.  _ That _ was how.”

 

Han looked at him wide eyed, “So it's fine to use in a pinch, but don't get cocky?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Okay.” Han looked at the rock again, “So, back to lifting rocks?”

 

“If you want.”

 

Han returned his attention to the rock. After lifting the rock without incident a couple of times, he decided to make conversation.

 

“So, have force chat with your girlfriend lately?”

 

Ben tensed up and a blush stained his cheeks. “She's not my girlfriend.”

 

Han chuckled, “Could have fooled me, kid. So have you?”

 

“Yes. Yesterday.” Ben bit out, embarrassment rolling off of him.

 

“Oh, and what happened that has you redder than a zeltron?” Han said, not hiding his amusement.

 

Ben considered his words, “She...I was...in the shower.”

 

Han laughed, “Tough luck, kid. But you're not exactly bashful. You told me about that one time she caught you shirtless.”

 

Ben seemed to get even redder, “I...uhh...she…”

 

Han smirked, “She caught you choking it.”

 

Ben looked at him thunderstruck, “How…?”

 

Han just burst out laughing, clutching his stomach. Ben growled in irritation, before standing up abruptly and stalking away. Han stood to follow him.

 

Unable to keep the mirth out of his voice, he said, “Wait, kid. Wait! I'm sorry.”

 

Ben just grumbled in annoyance but kept walking. When he and Han nearly made their way back to the landing pad, Ben stopped suddenly. Han furrowed his brow in confusion. 

 

“Ben? What…?”

 

He was shushed by Ben. Ben closed his eyes and reached out in the force. Without warning, Han was assaulted by Ben’s feelings: anticipation, anxiety, remnants of his previous embarrassment.

 

“I don't believe it.” Ben muttered, “She's  _ here _ .”

 

“What, like your force connection thing?”

 

Ben turned to him wide eyed, “No, she's here.  _ On the planet. _ ”

 

Han smiled widely, “Think she's got the Falcon and Chewie with her?”

 

Ben just turned to glare at Han. As he did, he caught sight of that  _ blasted _ ship on the horizon. Han followed his line of sight. He smiled even wider when he caught sight of it too. 

 

The blood drained from Ben’s face, and he took a step back. His anxiety overtook his excitement and he dashed off of the landing pad, back towards the beach.

 

“Ben? Where are you going? Ben!” Han called out to him, but he just kept going, “You big coward!”

 

Han chuckled at his son’s antics and turned to watch the Millenium Falcon land smoothly. He waited impatiently for the ramp to extend, dashing up almost before it fully touched the ground, nearly bowling over a surprised Rey. 

 

“Han!” she exclaimed brightly.

 

“Hey, kid. How you been? Taking good care of my ship and copilot?”

 

She smiled, “Of course!”

 

A roar from Chewbacca interrupted their reunion as Han was swept up into the wookie’s arms. 

 

“Chewie! Knock it off, you're gonna make me blush!” He chuckled.

 

Another roar and a snuffle, as Chewie released him, giving him one final pat on the back.

 

“Yeah, I missed you too, buddy.”

 

Rey watched their reunion teary eyed, as though something was finally made right in the world. Han could feel tendrils of her force sooth over him, as though making sure he was real. With a sense of mischief, he prodded her with the force in return. She was stunned at the response.

 

“The awakening…” she said, “You too?”

 

“So I'm told.”

 

Her answering smile was brighter than high noon on Tatooine. Her smile seemed to fade though as she caught notice of Ben’s presence in the force.

 

“Where’s…?” She trailed off.

 

“Hightailed it to the beach as soon as he caught sight of the Falcon.” Han chuckled, “He knows you're mad. Last time you were mad, you slashed open his face. He knows what good for him.”

 

Chewie let out a gurgling huff that translated to the wookie’s equivalent of a laugh.

 

“Well, go on then,” Han continued, “You two obviously need to hash things out.”

 

Rey gave him a strained smile, “Alright.”

 

She turned to exit the Falcon, following Ben’s sizable force presence towards the beach. Distracted as she was by their impending reunion, she almost didn't notice the gorgeous scenery. She snorted to herself in mild humor at their chosen location for a hideout. Ben was certainly accustomed to nice things. 

 

As she shuffled through the long grass, she finally caught sight of Ben kneeling in the sand, facing away from her. A mix of feelings were coming off of him in waves: anticipation, worry, fear, longing.

 

His shoulders stiffened when he realized she was there. He seemed to steel himself before speaking. “Rey.”

 

At the sound of her name, something inside her seemed to snap. “No! You don't get to speak right now.”

 

She took a long shuddering breath before continuing, “Do you have... _ any _ idea how you've made me feel? I understand why you didn't tell me before Snoke was dead, but after? I felt wretched and...and  _ foolish _ for months. I felt like a naive  _ child _ for seeing something that wasn't there. And now,  _ now  _ I feel like an idiot for seeing something that  _ was  _ there but letting you  _ trick _ me anyway! You didn't  _ trust _ me. I asked you to, and you didn't.”

 

Contrition and misery was rolling off of him as he mumbled, “I'm sorry.”

 

Tears that were threatening to spill until that point, finally cascaded over her cheeks as she replied, “You're  _ sorry _ . Do you have  _ anything _ to say for yourself?”

 

Frustration boiled over inside of him as he turned to look at her, “I just wanted to protect you!”

 

“I don't need protecting,” She snapped back, “You of all people should know that!”

 

“That you ran straight into the heart of enemy territory without considering the consequences didn't exactly inspire confidence! I was forced to watch as he threw you around like a ragdoll,” some of the fire behind his words died as he continued, “I didn't want to watch you get tortured like that ever again. Even if that meant I had to push you away.”

 

He turned to look at the horizon once again. “I'm sorry that it hurt you, but I'm not sorry for doing everything I could to make sure you weren't in their clutches while I finished what I set out to do. You don't know the First Order like I do.”

 

Rey was suddenly assaulted by the memory of Finn saying those exact same words, once upon a time in a castle on Takodana. Rey wasn't in the habit of underestimating her enemies but if two of the strongest men she knew could be driven to making irrational decisions in order to protect her from them, maybe she was truly underestimating them. 

 

So lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice Ben stand and begin to approach her. When he was finally in front of her, she looked up and was startled by the look of intent in his eyes.

 

“What are you doing?” She swallowed thickly at his nearness.

 

“What I should have done in that elevator.” 

 

Then he leaned down and pressed his mouth to hers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! This isn't a slow burn, exactly. But other stuff needed to happen first lol.


End file.
